My 17 yr old son has no friends....

Sykotyk

Well-known member
I'll just add that this is far more normal than most people believe. Some people have seen how much I hate Facebook on here. Most of that is because my son got on it about 10 years ago and I monitored everything for about a week. That site made me sick to my stomach. The garbage that was on there then for a child was ridiculous. Life is glorified on there and it is not real life. Other social media has taken over but the messages are still the same for kids.

Today, most of the kids are bored. Most of the kids do not have alot of friends. Most kids are struggling trying to fit in. I can't count how many times I've talked to a parent of a kid that seemed to have it all going their way only to find out how difficult they have had it. Make sure your son understands that and takes pride in the things that he does well. And try to keep him from worrying about what other people think.
Everyone is comparing their outtakes and bloopers to everyone else's highlights.
 

zeeman

Well-known member
Be there for him, talk to him as much as he will let you. Teenage years suck in general and especially nowadays. As he gets out in the world he will learn his way, can certainly understand your concern. We bleed for our kids, parenting is hard that way. Lots of good advice ITT even from EP 😳
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
I'll just add that this is far more normal than most people believe. Some people have seen how much I hate Facebook on here. Most of that is because my son got on it about 10 years ago and I monitored everything for about a week. That site made me sick to my stomach. The garbage that was on there then for a child was ridiculous. Life is glorified on there and it is not real life. Other social media has taken over but the messages are still the same for kids.

Today, most of the kids are bored. Most of the kids do not have alot of friends. Most kids are struggling trying to fit in. I can't count how many times I've talked to a parent of a kid that seemed to have it all going their way only to find out how difficult they have had it. Make sure your son understands that and takes pride in the things that he does well. And try to keep him from worrying about what other people think.
Thank you!
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
Buy him a used guitar, see if he wants to be a rock star?

My son never had many friends in high school, he got in with a group that does dungeons and dragons and they play online every weekend or get together about once a month and have a few beers/ carry in and play all day.... Sure is a lot cheaper than the traditional bar scene most kids go through at that age.
Not as fun as when we were running around:)
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
Be there for him, talk to him as much as he will let you. Teenage years suck in general and especially nowadays. As he gets out in the world he will learn his way, can certainly understand your concern. We bleed for our kids, parenting is hard that way. Lots of good advice ITT even from EP 😳
Amen.. amen.
 

oskar

Well-known member
Be there for him, talk to him as much as he will let you. Teenage years suck in general and especially nowadays. As he gets out in the world he will learn his way, can certainly understand your concern. We bleed for our kids, parenting is hard that way. Lots of good advice ITT even from EP 😳
Took the words out of my mouth.

Without trying to pry, is he depressed or feel overly lonely or isolated? See the thing is in my case was I tended to be a loner and still am basically. I've had many acquaintances but very few I consider friends. Humans are social animals but there are many of us that feel fine with little interaction for whatever the reason. Some people prefer to take a hike in the woods or a park as opposed to hanging with others, I definitely went with the former. My best friend from the age of seven up to today spent most of our time together as kids just listening to music as my bud wasn't really into outdoorsy stuff or sports.

I guess the point of my ramblings is that's it's more important to be comfortable with and confident in who you are than how many friends you have, if any. My best thoughts and wishes for your son.
 

arizonawildcat

Well-known member
I can relate to your son. My high school was about 15 miles from my house and my nearest classmate lived about two miles away. The kids I hung around with all through elementary school went on to the public high school. I barely saw then again even though they lived two houses away. I threw myself into my studies and earned a scholarship at a school some some 700 miles from my home. There, in the dorms, I was "forced" to make a lot of friendships, some of which I maintain today from a distance of 2000 miles. Don't give up hope in the larger scheme of life.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
Took the words out of my mouth.

Without trying to pry, is he depressed or feel overly lonely or isolated? See the thing is in my case was I tended to be a loner and still am basically. I've had many acquaintances but very few I consider friends. Humans are social animals but there are many of us that feel fine with little interaction for whatever the reason. Some people prefer to take a hike in the woods or a park as opposed to hanging with others, I definitely went with the former. My best friend from the age of seven up to today spent most of our time together as kids just listening to music as my bud wasn't really into outdoorsy stuff or sports.

I guess the point of my ramblings is that's it's more important to be comfortable with and confident in who you are than how many friends you have, if any. My best thoughts and wishes for your son.
I don't think so....I know he says many times "he's bored". I'll say..why don't you call so and so and see if they want to do something..he'll say "nah". I'm sure he'd be more than happy to do something if he was asked. Thanks for your input.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
I can relate to your son. My high school was about 15 miles from my house and my nearest classmate lived about two miles away. The kids I hung around with all through elementary school went on to the public high school. I barely saw then again even though they lived two houses away. I threw myself into my studies and earned a scholarship at a school some some 700 miles from my home. There, in the dorms, I was "forced" to make a lot of friendships, some of which I maintain today from a distance of 2000 miles. Don't give up hope in the larger scheme of life.
Thank you.
 

eastisbest

Well-known member
I know..and that's what is so hard. 1) I can't help him now. 2) He's too old for me to help. 3) All of his opportunities have passed him by. Thank you for your prayers. Seriously.
1) No
2) No
3) No

Kid sounds normal. Apple from tree. If he doesn't have or shows no interest in having a job or further schooling and training, then I'd worry. Even that could just be nervousness of the unknown. Normal. To move a person on successfully, often they need both a reason to go and a place to land. And another place to land if it doesn't go well. Have his back. It never changes from those first steps does it? Put on the smiley face and enjoy the ride.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
1) No
2) No
3) No

Kid sounds normal. Apple from tree. If he doesn't have or shows no interest in having a job or further schooling and training, then I'd worry. Even that could just be nervousness of the unknown. Normal. To move a person on successfully, often they need both a reason to go and a place to land. And another place to land if it doesn't go well. Have his back. It never changes from those first steps does it? Put on the smiley face and enjoy the ride.
:) Thank you
 

MentorGrad2002

Well-known member
I don't think so....I know he says many times "he's bored". I'll say..why don't you call so and so and see if they want to do something..he'll say "nah". I'm sure he'd be more than happy to do something if he was asked. Thanks for your input.
What does he do besides work? If he loves farming are there some young farmer or agriculture groups? Could join those.

Luckily he will be done with teenage years soon. At that point just try to make sure he doesn't fall into the wrong crowd as others said. I'm sure he knows he's valued by you but never be afraid to make that clear again. Hope it works out in the end. As he gets older it prob will
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
What does he do besides work? If he loves farming are there some young farmer or agriculture groups? Could join those.

Luckily he will be done with teenage years soon. At that point just try to make sure he doesn't fall into the wrong crowd as others said. I'm sure he knows he's valued by you but never be afraid to make that clear again. Hope it works out in the end. As he gets older it prob will
He's in FFA. Yea, but if he doesn't make friends in High school...what are the chances he'll make them outa high school..so, the passing of his teenage years are troubling to me. These are supposed to be his best years (they were kinda of my best years in my life)..
 

utsherman

Active member
I'm sorry to read this, man. The struggle is real. I kind of floated between groups back in high school, never really belonging specifically to any particular one. College was the eye-opener for me. I made lifelong friends there. Getting away from my small town was the key. It wasn't that it was a bad place to grow-up, but my options were limited. People made judgments more easily. Being bullied for disabilities (physical/mental), being poor, being different. Our high school was a mess. Even if college isn't the right route for him, a vocational education post high-school? Somewhere he can get away to be his own person? Maybe be far enough away, but still close enough to have support from family if needed? Being a parent now, I'm hyper-aware of all the anxiety that goes along with the job. You mentioned an IEP, just as an example, and I get that complexity as well. I just want to get to a place where inclusivity for our kids isn't such a hassle all the time. In my experience, it's usually the shy, quiet, and 'different' kids that end up having the most interesting, exciting, and successful adventures anyway.
 

Arrogate

Well-known member
You said he is a farmer. FFA? 4H? Fishing/hunting club?

If that doesnt work maybe trying drugs would be of help for him fitting in?
 
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Tesoro

Well-known member
Then you and your wife have done a good job! I would keep offering guidance to him but also let him keep seeking his own path, since the path he is on is not bad or dangerous. Good luck and God Bless your Family.
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
I'm sorry to read this, man. The struggle is real. I kind of floated between groups back in high school, never really belonging specifically to any particular one. College was the eye-opener for me. I made lifelong friends there. Getting away from my small town was the key. It wasn't that it was a bad place to grow-up, but my options were limited. People made judgments more easily. Being bullied for disabilities (physical/mental), being poor, being different. Our high school was a mess. Even if college isn't the right route for him, a vocational education post high-school? Somewhere he can get away to be his own person? Maybe be far enough away, but still close enough to have support from family if needed? Being a parent now, I'm hyper-aware of all the anxiety that goes along with the job. You mentioned an IEP, just as an example, and I get that complexity as well. I just want to get to a place where inclusivity for our kids isn't such a hassle all the time. In my experience, it's usually the shy, quiet, and 'different' kids that end up having the most interesting, exciting, and successful adventures anyway.
He is starting vocational school this next year (he will be a junior). SO...that could be good. I sure hope it is. And I've always wanted my kids to be close....which makes me worry even more that he won't find happiness here.
 

utsherman

Active member
He is starting vocational school this next year (he will be a junior). SO...that could be good. I sure hope it is. And I've always wanted my kids to be close....which makes me worry even more that he won't find happiness here.
That is good. Kids at my high school could also head to the vocational school for the last two years. I found that most of those who made the transition seemed to find a more solid, like-minded peer group with similar interests, etc. That may help him to feel more comfortable being social. Even just one or two really good friends can make the difference. As far as leaving the nest, I hear you there as well. I couldn't wait to get the eff out of dodge after high school, but still remained close enough to head home for holidays, etc. But now that I have kids, I would selfishly want them to remain close as well. Although post-quarantine, we're ready to spend some time apart. ✌
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
That is good. Kids at my high school could also head to the vocational school for the last two years. I found that most of those who made the transition seemed to find a more solid, like-minded peer group with similar interests, etc. That may help him to feel more comfortable being social. Even just one or two really good friends can make the difference. As far as leaving the nest, I hear you there as well. I couldn't wait to get the eff out of dodge after high school, but still remained close enough to head home for holidays, etc. But now that I have kids, I would selfishly want them to remain close as well. Although post-quarantine, we're ready to spend some time apart. ✌
Empty nest scares me lol.
 

Irwin20

Well-known member
I have nothing to add ,I’ve been very fortunate with my 3 kids , but it was great reading the responses. Kind of sheds a different light on some of my Yappi brethren. Bless all you guys who chimed in.
 

ogealbhain

Well-known member
As others have said, this is more common than not, I think. In grade school, I didn't have a lot of friends as I didn't fit in any group really. High school and college were better. But after college, things completely changed. Interestingly, my wife is the opposite. She had a lot of friends growing up but now not so much.

Read an article written by a psychologist about boys regarding this topic. Going from memory, she grouped boys into 4 categories:

1) The really popular boys - often athletic
2) The "hanger-ons" that kind of attached to the popular boys
3) I don't remember how this group was referred to but it was the boys who weren't in any particular group and were kind of just "floaters." Per this article, I think they said this was the biggest group.
4) The boys who were actively bullied/outcast.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
As others have said, this is more common than not, I think. In grade school, I didn't have a lot of friends as I didn't fit in any group really. High school and college were better. But after college, things completely changed. Interestingly, my wife is the opposite. She had a lot of friends growing up but now not so much.

Read an article written by a psychologist about boys regarding this topic. Going from memory, she grouped boys into 4 categories:

1) The really popular boys - often athletic
2) The "hanger-ons" that kind of attached to the popular boys
3) I don't remember how this group was referred to but it was the boys who weren't in any particular group and were kind of just "floaters." Per this article, I think they said this was the biggest group.
4) The boys who were actively bullied/outcast.
I guess I can pray my son doesn't end up as a #4.
 
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