My 17 yr old son has no friends....

Tesoro

Well-known member
I don't need the normal banter here on Yappi. I'm reaching out...I'm seriously bummed and worried as one could imagine. Is there anyone on Yappi that experienced the same thing in high school, eventually find a good set of friends?
 

eastisbest

Well-known member
78% of yappsters have no friends.
I luv ya son!

I don't think this kid is near unique. These kids are so on-line. Hell, sometimes I have to force MY self to pick up a phone, go over someone's house.

Growing up, whenever Ma wanted us out of the house she'd stop feeding us. We'd have to go over someone else's house to get food. Ma's are so smart.
 

CC Track Fan

Active member
Right now it is harder. But a few suggestions is have him get a job that employs a number of teenage kids. That work time together can lead to friendships.

If/when school starts he needs to joins activities. Could be sports, music, or any other type of clubs the schools has.
 

eastside_purple

Well-known member
Sorry your son is struggling socially. I’d imagine he’s not the only one struggling especially with covid going on. Does he play sports? Would he be interested in participating in a running group? CrossFit type gyms are pretty social too. Other interests that might have meetups? Church? Etc.
 

queencitybuckeye

Well-known member
Is he bothered by this? Is he awkward in social settings where you're with him? I personally don't have no friends, but have few, being quite the introvert.
 

thavoice

Well-known member
I luv ya son!

I don't think this kid is near unique. These kids are so on-line. Hell, sometimes I have to force MY self to pick up a phone, go over someone's house.

Growing up, whenever Ma wanted us out of the house she'd stop feeding us. We'd have to go over someone else's house to get food. Ma's are so smart.
In all seriousness, I do think this is a sad state of affairs for many kids.

The stepson, 14, asks me what I did as a kid at his age. When I think back, lving in the country, i had two sets of friends. Country friends where we hung out at the creek (crick) or pond or a friends house down the road or I went itno town and went to the pool, park or friends house walking/riding around town all day.

Asked what they all do, and says none of hte kids get together and do anything. They pretty much set at home. It is a bit sad as man those days were GOLD. Leave the house by 10am ish, and gone all day at someones house.

and yeah..always some mom would be making a lunch/dinner!
 

clarkgriswold

Well-known member
I'd need to know more about him. Do you think that there's something going on psychologically that's holding him back or is it more of a situational thing? Is he just shy/awkward or is it something more?

I'd try to use his interests to get him out with other kids. That would get him involved in a group setting and he could grow friendships from there.

If it's any consolation, my kid made more close friends in college than in high school.

Good luck with this. I feel bad for you son and it's always tough to have worries about things like that as a parent.
 

USA70PP

Well-known member
First off let me say I'm not what some would call normal. Mom and I lived with Grandma Harper in a small town in central Ohio while Dad was in the Pacific during WWII. Dad came home and we moved to a small place in the country that Dad bought. The only friends or kids to play with were at school. Didn't go to school there was nobody to play with. Years progressed and the story was the same. Friends at school and work at home. One car in the family and Dad had it at work. Farm took up nearly all the time in the summer. Never really gave a lot of thought to "friends". They'd be there when school started again. Over 60 years after graduation we, those that are still with us, get together twice a year for dinner and remenicesing. Some of us that live close to one another will visit on a much more frequent basis. Friendships are an ever changing and evolving relationship. One may not always recognize a friend at the time.
 

Red14

Well-known member
Every kid is different. Some are friendlier than others and make friends easier. Have you ever asked about any interactions he's had with kids? There is a natural break of kids when they get to their middle teens. Some kids get jobs, drive, become more independent, get girlfriends, etc. Some kids turn to alcohol and drugs and the ones that don't many times get left aside. Not saying that is the case here, but it could be.
 

El Indio

Well-known member
I don't need the normal banter here on Yappi. I'm reaching out...I'm seriously bummed and worried as one could imagine. Is there anyone on Yappi that experienced the same thing in high school, eventually find a good set of friends?
I tell you, there is no real answer. Maybe taking him fishing or do some activities that he likes. Maybe he will open up. I'll be praying for you and your son Tersoro. Please keep us updated.
 

nwwarrior09

Well-known member
I don't think this is a unique phenom at all these days between kids becoming more sedentary or homebody-like coupled with increased screen time with gadgets. I'm around teenagers frequently and I personally believe that the progression of society the last 15-20 years has resulted in a lot of declining social skills and rising social anxiety.

The best advice I think would be to focus on developing social hobbies and interests. Whenever school is in session again, try to participate in multiple activities, clubs and sports, and/or try to find a part-time job doing something interesting/fun at an employer that tends to have young employees.
 

Crusaders

Moderator
A lot of reasons why that could be the case. Maybe he's shy. Maybe he just doesn't fit in with kids at school. Maybe he's weird.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
Right now it is harder. But a few suggestions is have him get a job that employs a number of teenage kids. That work time together can lead to friendships.

If/when school starts he needs to joins activities. Could be sports, music, or any other type of clubs the schools has.
He does have a job..at a local farm..just a couple of other workers. I think at this point..he's not confident enough to join anything. He's been kicked out of one group to the next and with only 90 kids in his options have really just ran out.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
I'd need to know more about him. Do you think that there's something going on psychologically that's holding him back or is it more of a situational thing? Is he just shy/awkward or is it something more?

I'd try to use his interests to get him out with other kids. That would get him involved in a group setting and he could grow friendships from there.

If it's any consolation, my kid made more close friends in college than in high school.

Good luck with this. I feel bad for you son and it's always tough to have worries about things like that as a parent.
Thank you. Honestly..nothing worse. I think it's a little of both. I think it's somewhat situational and partly he's shy/awkward. His really only interest is working...that is where he feels success. He struggles in school (is on an IEP). He's a really hard worker though and has done well in school (relatively speaking).
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
I don't think this is a unique phenom at all these days between kids becoming more sedentary or homebody-like coupled with increased screen time with gadgets. I'm around teenagers frequently and I personally believe that the progression of society the last 15-20 years has resulted in a lot of declining social skills and rising social anxiety.

The best advice I think would be to focus on developing social hobbies and interests. Whenever school is in session again, try to participate in multiple activities, clubs and sports, and/or try to find a part-time job doing something interesting/fun at an employer that tends to have young employees.
Fortunately he doesn't use much screen time. That ended about 5 years ago when he had snapchat and received a snapchat from his "friends" at one of their houses...all of them giving him the bird. Yea..seriously.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
I tell you, there is no real answer. Maybe taking him fishing or do some activities that he likes. Maybe he will open up. I'll be praying for you and your son Tersoro. Please keep us updated.
I know..and that's what is so hard. I can't help him now. He's too old for me to help. All of his opportunities have passed him by. Thank you for your prayers. Seriously.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
Every kid is different. Some are friendlier than others and make friends easier. Have you ever asked about any interactions he's had with kids? There is a natural break of kids when they get to their middle teens. Some kids get jobs, drive, become more independent, get girlfriends, etc. Some kids turn to alcohol and drugs and the ones that don't many times get left aside. Not saying that is the case here, but it could be.
That is pretty much the case....he doesn't fit in either crowd.
 

Tesoro

Well-known member
One thing that struck me after reading all of this is that he needs to avoid falling in with a crowd just out of a need for friendship. We've all seen those kids that fall in with the "wrong group" out of a need to feel wanted.
I could see this happening...
 

Yappi

Go Buckeyes
I'll just add that this is far more normal than most people believe. Some people have seen how much I hate Facebook on here. Most of that is because my son got on it about 10 years ago and I monitored everything for about a week. That site made me sick to my stomach. The garbage that was on there then for a child was ridiculous. Life is glorified on there and it is not real life. Other social media has taken over but the messages are still the same for kids.

Today, most of the kids are bored. Most of the kids do not have alot of friends. Most kids are struggling trying to fit in. I can't count how many times I've talked to a parent of a kid that seemed to have it all going their way only to find out how difficult they have had it. Make sure your son understands that and takes pride in the things that he does well. And try to keep him from worrying about what other people think.
 

gneiss rocks

Well-known member
Buy him a used guitar, see if he wants to be a rock star?

My son never had many friends in high school, he got in with a group that does dungeons and dragons and they play online every weekend or get together about once a month and have a few beers/ carry in and play all day.... Sure is a lot cheaper than the traditional bar scene most kids go through at that age.
 

ogealbhain

Well-known member
I'll just add that this is far more normal than most people believe. Some people have seen how much I hate Facebook on here. Most of that is because my son got on it about 10 years ago and I monitored everything for about a week. That site made me sick to my stomach. The garbage that was on there then for a child was ridiculous. Life is glorified on there and it is not real life. Other social media has taken over but the messages are still the same for kids.

Today, most of the kids are bored. Most of the kids do not have alot of friends. Most kids are struggling trying to fit in. I can't count how many times I've talked to a parent of a kid that seemed to have it all going their way only to find out how difficult they have had it. Make sure your son understands that and takes pride in the things that he does well. And try to keep him from worrying about what other people think.
Truth!
 

thavoice

Well-known member
I'd need to know more about him. Do you think that there's something going on psychologically that's holding him back or is it more of a situational thing? Is he just shy/awkward or is it something more?

I'd try to use his interests to get him out with other kids. That would get him involved in a group setting and he could grow friendships from there.

If it's any consolation, my kid made more close friends in college than in high school.

Good luck with this. I feel bad for you son and it's always tough to have worries about things like that as a parent.
tesoro is his father. That is too much to overcome.
 

Sykotyk

Well-known member
I don't need the normal banter here on Yappi. I'm reaching out...I'm seriously bummed and worried as one could imagine. Is there anyone on Yappi that experienced the same thing in high school, eventually find a good set of friends?
What's his hobbies? Was he bullied? Is he just naturally an introvert? Is he online a lot?

There's a lot more than just counting the number of friends that stop by the house.

But getting him into the things he likes. Being around others of similar interest would help.
 
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