If you want Bob Green, I got you covered. My favorite is the one where he thanks the parents for conceiving their son...
- "I'm a perfectionist. I expect Jennifer Lopez to know how to cook."
- "I told [my defensive players] they've got to stick like a Toyota gas pedal."
- "It was an outstanding scrimmage. There were plays on offense, there were plays on defense. It's kind of like going to the Golden Corral buffet. It's all good and there's a lot of it."
- "We had an interception chance, and we caught the ball. An interception chance is like a date with the homecoming queen -- close the deal. Don't waste an opportunity."
- After a big win ... "I feel like I just had a Viagra cocktail with a Cialis chaser."
- "They're gonna be very good. They're rougher than a pine cone toilet seat."
- "The younger guys are a little bit lost. Kinda like chinese arithmetic."
- "I really feel like our team is ready to go hit individuals from another institution of higher learning."
- "It's like you're trying to sell bubble gum in a lockjaw ward. You just can't get much done."
- "We gotta be like a homely girl on her honeymoon. Busy, busy, busy."
- "I hate to sound like an old coach but I am an old coach. I was coaching when the Dead Sea was only sick."
- "When I first started coaching, Christ was a kid."
- "I'm not a big Yankee fan. It's kinda like living in ancient Rome and rootin' for the lions."
- "We're like the kid that plays second french horn in the school band. We gotta play better."
- After a close loss ... "It's kinda like watching your mother in law go off a cliff in your brand new Cadillac. You got mixed feelings.”
- "We're kinda like a woodpecker in a petrified forest. We just keep busy."
- "I got a short memory, just like when I was in the third grade. Two of the best years of my life."
- "I don't like bottled water. I like that Butte water. You can eat and drink at the same time."
- "The game is going to come down to playing football. We've got to play football. We're not trying to split the atom."
- "We want to play a full 60 minutes. One thing is for sure, the game will last at least 60 minutes."
- "There were some long faces and there were some lower lips sticking out. But we did not call the undertaker and tell him to order a 50-gallon drum of embalming fluid."
- "We played two games that were very winnable. Unfortunately, they were very losable."
- After a tough loss... "I told them the sun was going to come up. My wife didn't file divorce papers. I didn't have a heart attack. My dog knew me when I came home."
- "It's not being disappointed that counts, it's whether you stay disappointed."
- "We were lower than a snake's vest button."
- "The way I describe him is he looks like Jane but plays like Tarzan."
- "The last two weeks we really dug ourselves a hole. That's not the ideal road map."
- "It's been very tough on them. But the road to success passes through the town of Adversity. I hope we've got Adversity in the rear-view mirror. I hope we're at the city limits."
- After Alex Grevas caught a game-winning TD pass ... "I'd like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Grevas for conceiving Alex."
- "It was a team effort. Everybody contributed with poor play."
- “What a difference a week makes. This week I feel like a football coach. Last week I felt like Britney Spears’ choreographer.”
- “We’ve got to play like we’re on a hot stove. Your feet aren’t going to stay in one place very long.”
- “If you ain’t burning up for this one, your wood’s wet."
- "The season's a lot like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes."
- On retiring ... "You can be the guy who stayed at the party too long. I don't want to be that guy."
Raylan:
Few can compete with you and your commentariat ways from your hideout in Parts Unknown, but I will present one of my favorites for quotes, Coach John McKay. I might even throw in some observations in bold, too:
“It bothers me that they (the national media) have picked us to be the worst team in football. Because what they are doing now is challenging your physical and your mental capacity and my ability to coach you. Now, this hurts me. Second-worst team, I could stand it. But not the worst team.” -
PACtion note.....Tuslaw please take this quote to heart.
“We’ve broken down the expansion teams and they’ve averaged winning 2.7 games their first year, which to me is rather difficult. I figured out the 2, but the .7 has got me wondering what the hell is going on.”
- PACtion note....could the PAC add .7 of a school for expansion?
"Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place."
"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
"Intensity is a lot of guys that run fast."
"Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can't play football worth a damn."
On his team's blocking strategy: "Hold when you're at home and don't hold when you're on the road."
"If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important."
PACtion note: How will this quote go over in Panther Country?
On how coaching an expansion team is a religious experience: "You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is 'no.'"
“I’ll probably take a little time off and go hide somewhere. We will be back. Maybe not this century, but we will be back and we will be a better football team.”
On the Buccaneers poor special-teams play, “They were absolutely horrible and that’s the best thing I can say. Besides that they were bad. These people are not poorly paid you know.”
On the play of Joe Namath in the Jets' 34-0 victory over Tampa Bay, “Namath is still Namath, but I must say that our guys were nice to him. I noticed when they knocked him down, they helped him to his feet. That was gentlemanly. I thought one stood around long enough to get his autograph.”
On how badly the Bucs looked in losing to the Steelers, 42-0, “There were times I felt like leaving the stadium and hitchhiking home.”
"If a contest had 97 prizes, the 98th would be a trip to Green Bay."
PACtion note: What about Justus or Beach City?
On Tampa Bay ending its 26-game losing streak: "Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."
On the weaknesses of linebacker Hugh Green: '`He's not twins.''
On Bill Capece, who was waived in 1983 after missing a field goal and extra point: "Capece is kaput.''
On place kicker Pete Rajecki having a bad camp with the Bucs because McKay made him nervous: "I don't think he's got much of a future here, because I plan on going to all the games.''
On the Bucs' 42-0 loss to Pittsburgh on a very cold day: `"I remember in Pittsburgh we had no players and the ones we did have wanted to stay at the hotel by the fire. I was ticked because that's where I wanted to stand.''
On the importance of an older quarterback's mobility: "As a person gets older he doesn't get faster. Our quarterback will run from fright or lack of protection."
On fan mail he received as a Tampa Bay coach: "It was about three-to-one that I was not an SOB. But there were a lot of ones.''
On the Bucs early games: "Every time I look up, it seems we're punting.''
On O.J. Simpson carrying the ball 47 times in a USC game: "He doesn't belong to a union. Anyway, the ball doesn't weigh that much."
On opening days: "Opening games make me nervous. To tell the truth, I'd rather open with our second game.''
On training camp: "It's shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lose your desire to stand around and eat steaks, you lose everything.''
Following a 51-0 loss to Notre Dame in 1966. "I told my team it doesn't matter. There are 750 million people in China who don't even know this game was played. The next day, a guy called me from China and asked, 'What happened, Coach?'"
After a series of questionable calls helped Notre Dame tie No. 1 USC 21-21 in 1968, McKay was asked about the officiating. He answered, "I'm not surprised. The referee is a fine Catholic fellow by the name of Patrick Murphy."
Asked if Lynn Cain of the Atlanta Falcons was ready to play against the Bucs: "Let me know if Cain is able.''
“What did you think of your team's execution, Coach?” The answer: “I'm in favor of it.”
