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Old 07-09-19, 03:32 PM
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Do you know someone who lives alone?

This is geared toward anyone who is close to a person who is older and lives alone. I know it depends on how close you are to that person and how open they want to be but it is sad how things can turn out as one gets older.

Four weeks ago today my wife and I found her best friend from childhood in her car in her garage where we suspect she had been for over 48 hours. She has been in the hospital for three weeks and for the past week has been in hospice.

Not being a relative, our hands were tied and we couldn't officially do anything to help her when we found her. Her brother had just gotten back in town the same day from vacation and he has stepped up to try and help with whatever can be done. But the woman is 65, doesn't have a will and apparently did not handle Medicare right to account for hospital coverage because they were ready to send her home to her brother's house until they found a loophole where she required intravenous medicine so they were able to keep her in hospice. Most likely she won't make it through this week.

Lesson learned here is that no matter how angry your friend may get with you at some point it would be good to talk to them about "the end". This situation has taken everyone close to this woman by surprise but being as private as she was, those who really care for her are frustrated because legally there are so many limits on what you can do for someone unless there is wills, power of attorney etc. It's tough enough when it's family as we've been through it with both sets of parents, but when it's a close friend like this it's very difficult to see how the end can be so ugly if one hasn't prepared for it. So my advice is, if you are close to an older person who lives alone, force a conversation about how things should be handled if and when the end is in sight. It will be a tough discussion no doubt but it will make the end so much easier for all involved, especially for the one who is dying.
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Old 07-09-19, 04:46 PM
EagleGuy EagleGuy is offline
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Great post. Sorry for this situation.

I very recently updated my will and living will and am glad to check that off my list. The earlier these types of things are done the easier it is to do.

We're all mortal and who wants to deal with this stuff when "you have one foot out the door"?
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Old 07-09-19, 04:59 PM
eastisbest eastisbest is offline
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yep that's a rough one.

I'd gotten a call from a hospital, my old man who I rarely saw in life had been discovered in a tub, been there three days. I went to the hospital to explain to the poor doc (foreign, not used to the American family I guess) who couldn't understand why I kept saying I wasn't in any position to be making decisions and they needed to contact his kid in California.
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Old 07-09-19, 05:20 PM
Salad76 Salad76 is offline
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After years of pestering my dad to get things in order, he finally started getting things together this past spring. I also had him show me where he kept all his important stuff like insurance policies and a very out of date will.

Like most folks of that era, he kept everything. He had Sohio gas card bills from the 80s he was still holding onto. He had every statement from insurance policies that went back 40+ years. Box after box of stuff. Incredibly organized, but also never threw anything away.

Unfortunately he passed on May 14th, but at least I knew where he kept that stuff. In a brief case in the trunk of his car. combination was my birth date. We would have spent a month digging through papers in his house and never have found it.
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Old 07-09-19, 09:44 PM
Zunardo Zunardo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoeDude View Post
It's tough enough when it's family as we've been through it with both sets of parents, but when it's a close friend like this it's very difficult to see how the end can be so ugly if one hasn't prepared for it. So my advice is, if you are close to an older person who lives alone, force a conversation about how things should be handled if and when the end is in sight. It will be a tough discussion no doubt but it will make the end so much easier for all involved, especially for the one who is dying.
Tough call when dealing with someone who's not a relative, but point taken. I would recommend contacting someone from the Ohio Department of Aging for resources and tips on how to accomplish this.

I know a few widows in my neighborhood, but for the most part their children are looking after them. When the husband next door passed away last year, leaving a wife with diabetes and a broken hip, one of their daughters and two grand-daughters moved in with her, which worked out for everyone.
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Old 07-09-19, 10:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Zunardo View Post
Tough call when dealing with someone who's not a relative, but point taken. I would recommend contacting someone from the Ohio Department of Aging for resources and tips on how to accomplish this.

....
When we found her we could not get in touch with her brother. We only had his landline number and he was on vacation. The Police Officer was very helpful and had us contact The Crisis Center at University of Cincinnati. They sent someone to her house immediately and he was very helpful. Fortunately while he was in route we finally touched base with her brother so he headed over right away as well. But her brother benefited a lot from the information provided by the young man from the crisis center.
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Old 07-09-19, 11:14 PM
arizonawildcat arizonawildcat is offline
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I'm 72 and live alone. I have been making all the preparations for my death. I'm in fairly good health (except for the cancer I've been boring you all for the last five years). I have put all my assets in a living trust (don't do a will because that has to go through probate), have a medical power of attorney, a financial power of attorney, and a three-person panel to evaluate my mental health in case I start acting strangely. I have arranged for my cremation (and even got in the mail this Saturday the box where I'll be spending eternity). I've given directions to my executor of the trust how my funeral is to be held. I'm in the process of building up my liquor cabinet so my friends can have a good party after the funeral Mass (also pre-arrranged) and tell lies about what a great guy I was. The party will be catered with good food and have a bartender (but no cash bar). I'm in the process of having all the little things around my house fixed so it will sell quickly. So I think I'm pretty well set for the big day.
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Old 07-09-19, 11:56 PM
cabezadecaballo cabezadecaballo is offline
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Then go have some extra fun, ya old buzzard !
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Old 07-10-19, 04:11 AM
eastisbest eastisbest is offline
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Stuff I've learned since my Ma passed.

When you're pestering those parents to prepare or if you are that parent, don't forget to pass down the recipes and where you bought those things the kids like so much.

I still can't find where she bought that blueberry pie...
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Old 07-10-19, 07:19 AM
lotr10 lotr10 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zunardo View Post
Tough call when dealing with someone who's not a relative, but point taken. I would recommend contacting someone from the Ohio Department of Aging for resources and tips on how to accomplish this.

I know a few widows in my neighborhood, but for the most part their children are looking after them. When the husband next door passed away last year, leaving a wife with diabetes and a broken hip, one of their daughters and two grand-daughters moved in with her, which worked out for everyone.
This is very good advise when trying to help a non-relative. I've found the Ohio State & County agencies on aging to be very good & responsive.
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  #11  
Old 07-10-19, 07:23 AM
lotr10 lotr10 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Salad76 View Post
After years of pestering my dad to get things in order, he finally started getting things together this past spring. I also had him show me where he kept all his important stuff like insurance policies and a very out of date will.

Like most folks of that era, he kept everything. He had Sohio gas card bills from the 80s he was still holding onto. He had every statement from insurance policies that went back 40+ years. Box after box of stuff. Incredibly organized, but also never threw anything away.

Unfortunately he passed on May 14th, but at least I knew where he kept that stuff. In a brief case in the trunk of his car. combination was my birth date. We would have spent a month digging through papers in his house and never have found it.
This is also great advise. The sheer amount of stuff my dad had kept was almost beyond comprehension - every utility bill he had ever paid, every bank statement, etc,. etc. It made me go home and start shredding a whole lot of meaningless paperwork I was keeping. Simplification is a great idea as you get older and communication with those who will be dealing with the aftermath of your death on financial & legal matters is critical.
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Old 07-10-19, 10:24 AM
thavoice thavoice is offline
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I was just thinking about some of this stuff the other day how I should make sure my wife knows where the bank accounts/401K/investments/life insurance and such are just in case.
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Old 07-10-19, 05:42 PM
EagleGuy EagleGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thavoice View Post
I was just thinking about some of this stuff the other day how I should make sure my wife knows where the bank accounts/401K/investments/life insurance and such are just in case.
I created a (password protected) spreadsheet listing all types of financial information, including current obligations (for example, utilities) and pertinent information (e.g. account #s, due date, payment method).

I hope my family appreciates it when the time comes for me to "graduate".
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Old 07-10-19, 07:41 PM
Salad76 Salad76 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thavoice View Post
I was just thinking about some of this stuff the other day how I should make sure my wife knows where the bank accounts/401K/investments/life insurance and such are just in case.
It blows me away how little my stepmother knew about any of their finances.

Mostly because my wife and I both know everything about everything.

Maybe it's some generational thing where one person knows everything and the spouse knows nothing. Bizarre.
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Old 07-11-19, 08:09 AM
eastisbest eastisbest is offline
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Maybe.

Maybe the idea of letting someone know there's an insurance policy would get them thinking about cashing it in.

Here's something to think about in this modern age. Passwords. How do you make sure there's a secure only after death way of finding passwords to accounts or is that even necessary? What is to happen to that "on-line" presence after death? Email Accounts and the information in them?....
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Old 07-11-19, 09:14 AM
thavoice thavoice is offline
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Originally Posted by Salad76 View Post
It blows me away how little my stepmother knew about any of their finances.

Mostly because my wife and I both know everything about everything.

Maybe it's some generational thing where one person knows everything and the spouse knows nothing. Bizarre.
I know when I got a little older and my parents showed me where everything was 'just in case' it really freaked me out and I worried something was wrong!


My wife doesn't know much about my finances as we keep it separate. I pay all the bills and such, and when I was deployed I basically gave her an allowance since I was no longer available to pay for recreational things we would do such as dining out, movies, etc.
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Old 07-11-19, 08:35 PM
irish_buffalo irish_buffalo is offline
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I'd like to thank many for sharing here. Both of my divorced parents live alone. I remember years ago watching others in my life give up a lot of time to their elderly parents and now I get it.

Regardless, I try to pull as much info as I can. Stupid but meaningful things get lost with death. Memories. History. I'd give anything for my now deceased grandmas rhubarb pie and pigs in the blanket. Unsure what made it special, I'd assume some hefty brown sugar for both perhaps but no one elses comes close.

Heck, does anyone make rhubarb pie anymore?
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Old 07-11-19, 09:07 PM
OhioBobcatFan06 OhioBobcatFan06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EagleGuy View Post
I created a (password protected) spreadsheet listing all types of financial information, including current obligations (for example, utilities) and pertinent information (e.g. account #s, due date, payment method).

I hope my family appreciates it when the time comes for me to "graduate".
My information is also stored in encrypted digital files, but I’m the only person in my family capable of the computer programming necessary to unlock them, so they’re just going to need to wait a couple generations until I’m reincarnated.
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Old 07-11-19, 09:44 PM
arizonawildcat arizonawildcat is offline
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I was the execuor of my uncle's estate. He was quite rich. When he died I had to go to all tbe banks in Cuyahoga County to determine whether he had an account there. Most of his wealth was in stock he owned in the company he first worked for. He had more shares, 180,000 than anyone else. I had to sell them as part of my executor's duties, but I couldn't sell them all at once because I would drive the stock price down to zero. So I dribbled the stock out at 2-3,000 shares a week. With the proceeds from the stocks started coming in, I started playing with it in the market. Eventually I raised the value of the estate from nine to ten million dollars. I distributed the proceeds from the estate to 10 beneficiaries. Ten years after he died, I started getting letters from lawyers offering to recoup new discovered funds in accounts in Akron banks. The funds amounted to $68K. I went through all the papers my uncle had shoved in his desk and I never found and mention of an Akron account. My accountant told me with interest and penalties, the amount that would flow to the estate was in $20-25K range. I told the lawyers to forget about it as that it was too small an amount for me to get worked about.
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Old 07-11-19, 10:26 PM
Arrogate Arrogate is offline
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Does sig count?
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Old 07-11-19, 11:03 PM
OhioBobcatFan06 OhioBobcatFan06 is offline
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Originally Posted by arizonawildcat View Post
I was the execuor of my uncle's estate. He was quite rich. When he died I had to go to all tbe banks in Cuyahoga County to determine whether he had an account there. Most of his wealth was in stock he owned in the company he first worked for. He had more shares, 180,000 than anyone else. I had to sell them as part of my executor's duties, but I couldn't sell them all at once because I would drive the stock price down to zero. So I dribbled the stock out at 2-3,000 shares a week. With the proceeds from the stocks started coming in, I started playing with it in the market. Eventually I raised the value of the estate from nine to ten million dollars. I distributed the proceeds from the estate to 10 beneficiaries. Ten years after he died, I started getting letters from lawyers offering to recoup new discovered funds in accounts in Akron banks. The funds amounted to $68K. I went through all the papers my uncle had shoved in his desk and I never found and mention of an Akron account. My accountant told me with interest and penalties, the amount that would flow to the estate was in $20-25K range. I told the lawyers to forget about it as that it was too small an amount for me to get worked about.
68k down to 20k

Sad to see the government and bankers conspiring to steal the family jewels.

Can’t blame you for opting out entirely. Dealing with lawyers not worth 20k unless your v desperate
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Old 07-12-19, 03:36 PM
EagleGuy EagleGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by eastisbest View Post
Maybe.

Maybe the idea of letting someone know there's an insurance policy would get them thinking about cashing it in.

Here's something to think about in this modern age. Passwords. How do you make sure there's a secure only after death way of finding passwords to accounts or is that even necessary? What is to happen to that "on-line" presence after death? Email Accounts and the information in them?....
Yeah, I need to add a digital estate to my list as noted in this snippet from the article below:

Our view: What you do with your digital account is your business. If you want to have your friends or family go into your account and delete it after you die, it's your call. (Just be sure and create a digital estate first!) If you want to abide by the TOS and have your friends or family go through the required channels to close an account, that's your call too.

https://www.everplans.com/articles/w...nts-when-i-die

I haven't read this article, but if nothing else I will add a tab to my workbook for email, social media and other accounts, as needed. Damn, life is complicated!
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