Memes, funny picture thread


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Barclays Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new Drive-thru" cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to come up with appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to you and remember them.


1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car window with
cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to
its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card" is displayed - Remove the afore mentioned "Marks & Spencers" Charge card and insert correct Cash Point card
11. Remove Cash Point Card
12. Re-insert Cash Point card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of check book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 meters.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release hand brake.


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Pulling into the ATM line early in the morning, I always hang back for possible escape until I can see "who" is in the car ahead of me. Unless I have 15 minutes I want to waste.


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So Mary-Catherine is at the grocery, and she sees the newly-widowed Mary-Margaret over in produce, and wants to cheer her up. She sidles up to Mary-Margaret, gives her arm a bit of a squeeze, and says, "Aye, good morning, dear. I've been thinking of you. How are you getting along now without Seamus, love?".

Mary-Margaret looks over and gives Mary-Catherine a tired, knowing smile, and says, "Oh, I thank you deeply, dear heart. I was really just thinking of my dearly departed old Seamus and his lovely balls while I was selecting a few potatoes, truth be told!".

"Well, may the saints preserve us, Mary-Margaret!", she cries. Then Mary-Catherine lowers her voice and whispers impishly, 'Tell me, lass, is it their size that reminds you of your dear Seamus?".

"No dear, it's the dirt on them. Seamus had become a chore, truly!".

edit: works equally well for Frieda, Eva, and Eli Yoder :banana:
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