Advice for Father of the Bride

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IVCguy

Well-known member
Punkin is getting married May 30.

Wedding is mostly paid for in terms of venue, catering, makeup, dress, etc. I have maybe $1500-2000 worth of odds and ends expenses floating around out there yet. So, the financial pressure is off.

I want to enjoy the day when it comes. Help me do that - for those who have gone before.

My brother-in-law (survivor of two weddings) told me: "The father of the bride has 3 jobs: stand up, shut up, and pay up."
 
 
IVCguy said:
Punkin is getting married May 30.

Wedding is mostly paid for in terms of venue, catering, makeup, dress, etc. I have maybe $1500-2000 worth of odds and ends expenses floating around out there yet. So, the financial pressure is off.

I want to enjoy the day when it comes. Help me do that - for those who have gone before.

My brother-in-law (survivor of two weddings) told me: "The father of the bride has 3 jobs: stand up, shut up, and pay up."
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Pretty much accurate ? I was lucky to have about five minutes alone with my daughter as we were waiting for the procession and told her how proud I was and how happy for her, one of the things I’ll always cherish. I gave a nice talk at the beginning of the reception to thank everyone, kept it short and off the cuff as I know those speeches sometimes go off the rail. Other than that I just had a lot of fun and made a point to speak to as many people as I could to thank them for coming. Around 11 it was party time! Congratulations!
 
IVCguy said:
Punkin is getting married May 30.

Wedding is mostly paid for in terms of venue, catering, makeup, dress, etc. I have maybe $1500-2000 worth of odds and ends expenses floating around out there yet. So, the financial pressure is off.

I want to enjoy the day when it comes. Help me do that - for those who have gone before.

My brother-in-law (survivor of two weddings) told me: "The father of the bride has 3 jobs: stand up, shut up, and pay up."
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I agree, go with what your brother in law is saying from his experience. Enjoy the day when it comes by being prepared for the events of that day! Congratulations to your Family!
 
zeeman said:
Pretty much accurate ? I was lucky to have about five minutes alone with my daughter as we were waiting for the procession and told her how proud I was and how happy for her, one of the things I’ll always cherish. I gave a nice talk at the beginning of the reception to thank everyone, kept it short and off the cuff as I know those speeches sometimes go off the rail. Other than that I just had a lot of fun and made a point to speak to as many people as I could to thank them for coming. Around 11 it was party time! Congratulations!
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Good stuff.

I'm not sure about the private talk. Im not into crying in public because I have too much toxic masculinity. Im afraid I would get weepy and it would carry over into the walk down the aisle! I think the last time I cried period was 12 years ago when she got her license and went down the driveway.

I love the advice about being short and sweet at the reception. I have a "wordy" problem.
 
ohiopup said:
Take the Groom aside and whisper in his ear...
If you hurt my daughter in any way, physical, mental, or break her heart....(voice trailing off)"
...and show him this clip!


:>---

75Y+6M
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I have the best daughter-in-law in the world. My son chose very, very wisely. She is probably too good for him. She lost her dad a year after they married, and I have stepped in for him when she needs a dad, so we are closer than your typical FIL-DIL.

I believe my daughter has also chosen wisely. My future SIL is a gentle giant. He has these wonderful protective instincts. I have no worries about him being abusive toward her. She is a very strong personality, so if I worry about anything, it would be whether he will stand up to her and be firm when he needs to.
 
IVCguy said:
Good stuff.

I'm not sure about the private talk. Im not into crying in public because I have too much toxic masculinity. Im afraid I would get weepy and it would carry over into the walk down the aisle! I think the last time I cried period was 12 years ago when she got her license and went down the driveway.

I love the advice about being short and sweet at the reception. I have a "wordy" problem.
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My wife and daughter tried their best to get me to cry at the wedding ? I just grinned ear to ear the whole day because she met the absolute right guy and they were so happy
 
Interesting stuff. My oldest is getting married in November. Just started putting cash aside, it’s going to be a big wedding. Did some cake tasting over the weekend (which I enjoyed) Church and reception location and DJ is lined up. I like the groom seems to treat my daughter well. My brother who has 3 daughters has set the bar pretty high for the reception speech and we are rather competitive so I’m going to put some time into that But will try to limit it to 5-7 minutes.
 
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I love that movie "Father of the Bride" - the Steve Martin remake. He suggested they have the reception at The Steak Pit - which seemed like a good idea to me, but, evidently, females do not want the word "Pit" on a wedding invitation.

I knew enough early on to keep my mouth shut and that the girls were in charge. At least they didnt unleash a Franck wedding planner on me!

But I could see me losing it like George Banks, removing the "superfluous hot dog buns", and ending up in the clink. Lol
 
Irwin20 said:
Interesting stuff. My oldest is getting married in November. Just started putting cash aside, it’s going to be a big wedding. Did some cake tasting over the weekend (which I enjoyed) Church and reception location and DJ is lined up. I like the groom seems to treat my daughter well. My brother who has 3 daughters has sent the bar pretty high for the reception speech and we are rather competitive so I’m going to put some time into that But will try to limit it to 5-7 minutes.
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Have a couple shots of Jameson before you speak, it makes the words come out so smooth
 
IVCguy said:
Good stuff.

I'm not sure about the private talk. Im not into crying in public because I have too much toxic masculinity. Im afraid I would get weepy and it would carry over into the walk down the aisle! I think the last time I cried period was 12 years ago when she got her license and went down the driveway.

I love the advice about being short and sweet at the reception. I have a "wordy" problem.
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You're allowed a handful of public cries in life, your daughters wedding would be a good use of one.
 
I avoided alcohol until after the dad speech. Kept it short. Son in law is a huge golfer, so I recited Judge Smales' Caddyshack poem as a toast. Then did a Yeats poem for Monteisha. Went over surprisingly well. Nice church wedding with big reception and open bar. Set us back a few stacks but it was worth it. Especially with the live band. No electric slide crap and that ilk. Our family's side of the room was much smaller, Lutheran rather than Catholic, and much more hillbilly. But, it made for a nice mix.
 
Our daughter got married 11 years ago. I learned the father walks her down the aisle, has the father daughter dance and hears you're the father of the bride, here's our bill...
 
My oldest daughter beat the Covid and got hitched in July 2019, it was a great day. Some tips for a traditional family structure:
  • Rule #1 is it is the couples day and not yours and definitely not the mother of the bride; remind the wife of this when planning.
  • Don't go cheap, the memories and especially the photos will be around forever.
  • Leave the drama card at home, be a man and not a beech.
  • No alcohol before the ceremony.
  • To me the central moment of the day was the couple minutes before walking the bride down the aisles. No canned speech just give her the all time heart to heart talk because she will no longer your little girl.
  • No alcohol before the reception starts on an empty stomach.
  • Greet everyone at the reception and make all feel like part of your family. Work the room and be a gracious host.
  • The greeting speech needs to be short and sweet, again it is about the couple and not about you. I believe you should never use index cards or write down a wedding speech, this isn't a work presentation. Run it by the wife or some other family person you trust before hand and talk slowly its not a race; pause to emphasize points. It is not a toast too, that is the best man's job and don't take away his spotlight. I personally wanted to do this sober as any slip up from the buzzed father of the bride looks juvenile, especially on the video you watch years from now.
  • Have some food before putting your drink on, you still have work to do and its a long evening.
  • Practice father of the bride dance to the music your daughter has chosen.
  • Ask another man to be the bouncer in case someone does something stupid, you don't need to be the heavy on this day.
  • Be the last one to leave the reception.
 
When setting your budget, remember that a cake is nothing more than flour, sugar, eggs, and water. And always go with the chipper chicken.
 
IVCguy said:
I love that movie "Father of the Bride" - the Steve Martin remake. He suggested they have the reception at The Steak Pit - which seemed like a good idea to me, but, evidently, females do not want the word "Pit" on a wedding invitation.

I knew enough early on to keep my mouth shut and that the girls were in charge. At least they didnt unleash a Franck wedding planner on me!

But I could see me losing it like George Banks, removing the "superfluous hot dog buns", and ending up in the clink. Lol
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Good call.


Z's chipper chicken...

 
Zunardo said:
When setting your budget, remember that a cake is nothing more than flour, sugar, eggs, and water. And always go with the chipper chicken.
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What do you mean by this statement?

Possibly, cakes are easy to make and go for it to save money?

Artistic ability comes into play I would think? Actually, I have done a few wedding cakes over the years, always have hired a decorator to put the finishing touches on the cake. So being artistic is probably a better trait for wedding planning than being able to bake the simple things for it.
 
I'll cry my eyes out when the day comes. That's just me.

Seems like the financials are already done and decisions made. Had they not...my advice would be not to spend money on stupid crap that nobody will remember...and get a good band.
 
Auggie said:
My oldest daughter beat the Covid and got hitched in July 2019, it was a great day. Some tips for a traditional family structure:
  • Rule #1 is it is the couples day and not yours and definitely not the mother of the bride; remind the wife of this when planning.
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This rule above all else. Someone forgot to tell my mother-in-law this and some aspects of our wedding ended up being what she wanted, specifically the dinner. Of course, she was footing a big portion of the bill so it was hard to argue too much.
 
When I got engaged, I was given some valuable advice, which I believe, would apply to a father of the bride as much, or more, as it does to a groom. When asked about, or shown, anything, or asked about a choice, it is never good to say "I don't care" or "what ever you want Honey". It is important that you look like you are considering the options and then pick something. When your fiancé' or daughter chooses something else (as she most likely will) then you have to agree and point out that with further reflection you were wrong.

This advice helped me a great deal as I negotiated the minefields of china patterns and flatware and I believe it would work as well with reception dinner choices and other aspects of the reception.

Good luck!
 
I had a son get married, then a daughter. The daughter getting married, is 100 times more stressful/ emotional. With boys and Dads we just move on and know that independence is there. With girls it's handing your girl off to another man knowing you're not #1 anymore. And in the back of your mind you hope to heck it works out.
 
SC10EHS15 said:
This rule above all else. Someone forgot to tell my mother-in-law this and some aspects of our wedding ended up being what she wanted, specifically the dinner. Of course, she was footing a big portion of the bill so it was hard to argue too much.
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I went to one wedding that was basically a business event for the father of the Bride. Dude never said boo to either family and spent most of the reception at the bar drinking martinis and talking shop. Reminded me of this scene>

 
14Red said:
I had a son get married, then a daughter. The daughter getting married, is 100 times more stressful/ emotional. With boys and Dads we just move on and know that independence is there. With girls it's handing your girl off to another man knowing you're not #1 anymore. And in the back of your mind you hope to heck it works out.
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I can imagine.
 
Well, we traveled to Virginia for the wedding Sunday. Been working ourselves to exhaustion the last few days but having a lot of fun too.

Thanks for all the advice. I have put a lot of the gems to use.

I re-read the thread looking for the person who gave me the gem of all gems - something along the lines of: "All kinds of extra expenses will come up the days before the wedding, so take an extra thousand cash with you." That has been so true and handy. Much easier to give people a Benjamin or 2 and have them take care of it. So, whoever that was, THANK YOU!
 
The wedding was dang near perfect.

The preparation and set up was tough. I got yelled at a lot leading up to the wedding. On set up day I would be doing the 3 things Honey Buns told me to do, and then she wanted to know why I wasn't doing the 4th thing that she hadn't told me to do yet (or that I selectively didn't hear her tell me to do).

My wife is a classic "over-work the details" type of woman when a big event is going on - unless we are talking about cost. As a man, when I ask how much something is going to cost, I would prefer "$368.73" but I will take "$350-380" or "Mid 3s". I thought I had all the flowers paid for weeks ago - but that was just the flowers we bought up here and hauled to Va. She tells me last week that we still have a portion of the fresh flowers down there to buy. I asked her how much those would be and she said "about 200". When we got down there she tells me it will be a "little over 300". When I called the florist to pay, I asked how much it would be and he said it was $368.73. I looked at her and she said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about the two extra bundles of eucalyptus I added on." I told her, "Well, we have to make sure the koalas in attendance are fed and we don't want anyone walking away thinking that it was a nice wedding, but it needed more eucalyptus." I thought it was funny. She didn't.

Besides the usual duties of a FOB, I had a 5 minute speaking part during the ceremony, so I was in speaking/performance mode. I was calm and smiling during the walk down the aisle. I was focused solely on the pastor and I took the advice of a good friend who said to just keep saying to myself, "Grandchildren. Grandchildren. Grandchildren." It worked. I maintained my emotions and the ceremony went by without one glitch - very meaningful and beautiful.

What got me emotionally was the father-daughter dance. Do not, I repeat, do not use "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw. The lyrics are a slayer of fathers with toxic masculinity who do not want to cry in public. When they announced the dance, I felt a swell of emotion inside of me - and I knew I was in trouble. I told my dau before the music began that I didn't think I was going to make it without crying. 10 seconds in I am sobbing on her shoulder. Embarrassing. She loved it though, so I took one for the team there.

When the wedding was over, I had my calm, sweet Honey Buns back and we could just enjoy the pictures and memories of a wonderful day.

I hope yours goes as well, if you have one coming up - minus the pre-event stress, yelling, etc. Lol
 
IVCguy said:
The wedding was dang near perfect.

The preparation and set up was tough. I got yelled at a lot leading up to the wedding. On set up day I would be doing the 3 things Honey Buns told me to do, and then she wanted to know why I wasn't doing the 4th thing that she hadn't told me to do yet (or that I selectively didn't hear her tell me to do).

My wife is a classic "over-work the details" type of woman when a big event is going on - unless we are talking about cost. As a man, when I ask how much something is going to cost, I would prefer "$368.73" but I will take "$350-380" or "Mid 3s". I thought I had all the flowers paid for weeks ago - but that was just the flowers we bought up here and hauled to Va. She tells me last week that we still have a portion of the fresh flowers down there to buy. I asked her how much those would be and she said "about 200". When we got down there she tells me it will be a "little over 300". When I called the florist to pay, I asked how much it would be and he said it was $368.73. I looked at her and she said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about the two extra bundles of eucalyptus I added on." I told her, "Well, we have to make sure the koalas in attendance are fed and we don't want anyone walking away thinking that it was a nice wedding, but it needed more eucalyptus." I thought it was funny. She didn't.

Besides the usual duties of a FOB, I had a 5 minute speaking part during the ceremony, so I was in speaking/performance mode. I was calm and smiling during the walk down the aisle. I was focused solely on the pastor and I took the advice of a good friend who said to just keep saying to myself, "Grandchildren. Grandchildren. Grandchildren." It worked. I maintained my emotions and the ceremony went by without one glitch - very meaningful and beautiful.

What got me emotionally was the father-daughter dance. Do not, I repeat, do not use "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw. The lyrics are a slayer of fathers with toxic masculinity who do not want to cry in public. When they announced the dance, I felt a swell of emotion inside of me - and I knew I was in trouble. I told my dau before the music began that I didn't think I was going to make it without crying. 10 seconds in I am sobbing on her shoulder. Embarrassing. She loved it though, so I took one for the team there.

When the wedding was over, I had my calm, sweet Honey Buns back and we could just enjoy the pictures and memories of a wonderful day.

I hope yours goes as well, if you have one coming up - minus the pre-event stress, yelling, etc. Lol
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Living on the edge, eh?

What's that wet blob in the corner of my eye? Now, I'll have to google that song.

Congrats and thanks for sharing!
 
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